Parenting Adult Kids
When I was the parent of teenagers, multiple teens at the same time, I might add, I truly thought those were the hardest years. There is so much growth packed into that season. Teens are learning self-control, discovering who they are in the world, figuring out how to make decisions (and mistakes), learning how to recover from those mistakes, and developing courage, empathy, and resilience. Walking alongside them through all of that was no small task.
Now that I am on the other side, I can say this with honesty: parenting adult children is even harder, but it is also filled with deeper blessings. If I’m being honest, I still look at my kids and see the children they once were. I hear their giggles, remember bedtime hugs, and those whispered words in my ear: “I’m your special boy, right, Mama?” I remember the mischievous laughter and the sweetness of those early years.
What I treasure now is the camaraderie and relationships we share. They are still my favorite humans to be with. We vacation together, celebrate together, cry together when it’s time, and support one another. But parenting adult children is very different from parenting teens. You are no longer in charge. You don’t get to choose. And they are not required to ask for – or even listen to – your advice. Ouch. That’s a hard truth, especially if you’re a bit of a control freak like me.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned, some the easy way, and some the hard way.
1. Time Is Still on Their Clock, Not Yours
This lesson carries over from the teen years: the most important conversations rarely happen at a convenient time. As someone who is not a night owl, many of the best conversations with my teens happened after 10:00 p.m. Now that they’re adults, it happens during a long drive home after work, after I’ve already climbed into bed, or in the middle of the night when a baby is sick or they need reassurance.
There have been times I’ve gotten in my car at 11:30 p.m. to rock a grandbaby so my adult kids could rest and face the next day with a clearer mind. I’ve learned this truth again and again – it’s not about my comfort. It’s about being a blessing to others.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (KJV)
2. Advice That Isn’t Asked For Is Rarely Received
One of the hardest lessons for me has been learning when not to speak. Unless my adult children ask for advice, I try very hard not to offer it. This is their life…their marriage, their parenting, their decisions.
Do I have wisdom to share? Absolutely.
Do I want to prevent them from making mistakes I’ve already lived through? Of course.
But it’s not my call.
This applies to their spouses as well. I adore my daughters-in-law and son-in-law more than words can say. And yes, sometimes I want to “help.” But that isn’t my role. If they ask then all bets are off and honesty flows freely. Until then, I hold my tongue.
“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.”
Proverbs 18:13 (KJV)
3. Apologize When You Mess Up
This one feels obvious, but it can be surprisingly difficult. One of the greatest gifts we can give our adult children is humility. I am not a perfect mom, grandma, wife, or anything else on that list. My emotions sometimes get the better of me. I can be too quick to judge or speak before I listen.
But I am learning. Better than yesterday, still a work in progress.
When I apologize, I show my children that strength and humility can live side by side.
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.”
James 5:16 (KJV)
4. Love—At All Times
This lesson came through pain. When my oldest was a challenging teen, we didn’t always see eye to eye. Some of that was my fault. Some of it was simply the natural tension of a strong-willed young man growing into himself.
What I failed to notice for far too long was this: when we didn’t get along, we stopped talking – and we stopped hugging. Not intentionally, but gradually. Days passed without real connection, only frustration.
Have you ever hugged someone you’re mad at? Yeah… it’s awkward.
Looking back, as the adult, I should have recognized it sooner. But I was still learning how to be a mom. Now, with that wisdom hard-earned, I make this a rule: disagreement will never affect affection. My adult children still need love, reassurance, and connection – especially when we don’t agree.
“Charity never faileth.”
1 Corinthians 13:8 (KJV)
5. Never Compromise Truth
The running joke with my boys is this: if you want truth, come to Mom. If you want sympathy, maybe try Dad or a sibling. I don’t waver. I will speak truth – even when it’s uncomfortable.
God’s truth never fails, even when it’s hard to hear. I want my children to trust that when I speak, I’m speaking honestly and consistently. A wise mentor once told me to keep my home “safe to come back to and steady in truth.” That advice has shaped everything.
“Buy the truth, and sell it not.”
Proverbs 23:23 (KJV)
6. Keep Learning—from the Next Generation
I don’t have it all figured out , not even now. I still seek wisdom from those a few steps ahead of me, and I still watch those coming behind me. I pay attention to what I want to duplicate and what I want to do differently.
Parenting doesn’t end…it evolves. And learning is a lifelong calling.
“The wise shall inherit glory.”
Proverbs 3:35 (KJV)
A Word of Encouragement for Moms of Adult Children
If you are the mom of adult children and find yourself still learning, still hoping, or still praying for healing or deeper connection, take heart. God is not finished. Relationships can grow, soften, and strengthen at any stage of life. Love spoken consistently, truth shared gently, and prayer offered faithfully can do more than we ever imagine.
Even now, God is at work in you and in them. Trust Him with what you cannot control, remain faithful in what you can, and never underestimate the power of a mother’s steady love and persistent prayer.
“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 1:6 (KJV)
When God Says Otherwise 
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