When God Says Otherwise

I saw a post today on Facebook that said, “The biggest myth about marriage is that love alone is enough.”

That is so true. Love begins a marriage… but it doesn’t sustain it.

Commitment, forgiveness, and choosing each other every single day – those are the things that keep a marriage standing.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 (KJV)

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

For years, I was baffled by couples who divorced later in life. And by later, I mean after 30+ years of marriage. I remember thinking, What could you possibly have left to fight about? Then suddenly, I was at over 30 years of marriage myself. I had seen it happen to others, but no one ever really explained why.

And no – don’t worry. I’m not getting a divorce. LOL And, more importantly, I don’t want one!! 😉

But I understand now.

My husband and I are empty nesters. I’ll be honest – I dreaded that day when it finally came. For so many years, we were a family of five, and I loved it. Not just enjoyed it. Not just tolerated it. I loved being a big family. I loved the busyness, the chaos, the noise, the moments, all of it (okay… maybe not helping with homework, but that’s another blog post).

Late nights at youth conferences. Sports seasons that never seemed to end. Long drives to tournaments and fine arts competitions. Movie dates with my sons. Shopping trips. Conversations about life, dating, broken hearts, and future dreams. It was everything I never had growing up (and I desperately wanted that cycle broken – I pray we did just that).

My husband and I were intentional during those years. We definitely took time for each other – long weekend getaways, date nights at hockey games, holding hands on the way into church. But when you share your life with a whole gaggle of people in your home, and then suddenly the halls go quiet… they are very quiet.

It was a new season, and I had no idea how to navigate it.

All of a sudden, it was just my husband and me in the house. No buffer. My mini-me’s were gone. The people who shared my sense of humor, my quirks, and my love for things my husband does not share (hello, ranch dressing) were no longer there.

I need to be honest – this was hard.

Isaiah 43:19 (KJV)

“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

No one warned me what would happen when it was time to just be me again… not someone’s mom. I had to rediscover who I was without my children. And then I had to rediscover what it meant to be my husband’s wife. What did we even have in common anymore? What did we talk about if it wasn’t the kids?

Did I want to quit? No. But now I could see how people get there.

I didn’t allow myself to stay in those thoughts, because I knew that anything I was struggling through, I could bring to the Lord. Did I pray for God to redirect my heart and help me fall in love all over again? Absolutely.

Psalm 37:4 (KJV)

“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

I think the mistake was getting comfortable.

When the house gets quiet, you’re left with a lot of time to think – and it’s easy to get lost in your own head. I liken this season to the first couple years of marriage. That time is a beautiful honeymoon, but it’s also when you discover who you are as a couple. The little quirks that once seemed adorable suddenly become irritating (like making chomping noises while eating a banana – seriously, how does one even do that?).

This season of marriage is like a second honeymoon.

It took me about a year to feel at peace with the new normal, like we arrived again. To get past the awkward silences at dinner. To replace busywork and weird staring with real conversation. To look forward to my husband coming home from work – not just think, Ugh, what are we having for dinner again?

Marriage is commitment.
Marriage is forgiveness.
Marriage is choosing each other daily.

That’s what keeps it standing – and thriving.

When you feel like you can’t do it, or don’t want to do it, reach out to God. Say the words that are actually on your heart:

“God, help me fall in love all over again. Help me rediscover this man I married. Help me be the wife he needs me to be.”

Don’t give up. Bring in the One who can bridge the gap – the One who can be the bond that holds you together.

Because when you arrive on the other side of that season, it’s exhilarating. It’s freeing. And yes… it’s even a little exciting! The freedom you now have feels foreign because you haven’t lived in it for so long.

But just like riding a bike…

We’re back, and we’re grateful to be here – together. 💛
If you’re entering the empty nest season or quietly dreading it, I encourage you to seek wisdom from those who have walked it before you. God is faithful in every season, and there is beauty ahead when we choose to see it.