Circles, Boundaries, and Friendship

Who Is in Your Circle?

A circle has no beginning and no end. It exists to contain, to protect, and sometimes to keep things out. A circle can be a boundary and a hug at the same time. It defines space, creates safety, and holds what matters most.

I recently heard a poem that reminded women not to forget their girlfriends, and I loved it because it rang so true. So many of us were taught when we get married that our husband is to be the center of our universe and our world revolves around him and our home. While this is true in a sense….. As women, we need community and friendship. Our girlfriends are the ones who show up when we celebrate, when we’re sick, when our kids are sick, when we’re angry, overwhelmed, joyful, heartbroken, or laughing until we cry. They are present for the big moments, the small moments, and the everyday moments in between.

When I read all of those things (I’ll include the poem below), I felt grateful—deeply grateful—that I have people like that in my life. But it also caused me to reflect on the friendships I’ve had to let go of along the way. The ones that didn’t make the cut. The ones that no longer belonged in my circle.

I learned early on that not everyone needs to be my friend.

We all long for friendship—for validation, belonging, and community. But over time, I’ve learned to keep my circle small. I used to think the more friends I had, the better and how blessed I was! Now I know it’s the quality of friends that matters, not the quantity.

I’ve also learned something else: if I want good friends, I need to be one. That means a lot of self reflection. A lot of growing and learning what it takes to be a good friend, the kind I would like in my own life.

So what is a friend?

The Friend You Love—but Isn’t Healthy for You

There are people we genuinely love, enjoy, and have fun with—but they bring out the worst in us. I have a friend like this. Sadly, I am sure I have been a friend like this at some point. She’s joyful, exciting, and full of life. And yet, when we’re together, we don’t encourage one another toward healthier relationships or a stronger spiritual life.

I care about this friend deeply, but I’ve learned that not everyone belongs inside the circle. Some people are meant to stay on the outer edge.

“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” — 1 Corinthians 15:33 (KJV)

The Friend You Want—but Who Doesn’t Know How to Be One

There are people we enjoy, admire, and want to be around, but they don’t value the relationship in return. They don’t know how to nurture friendship or show care beyond themselves.

Friendship requires mutual effort.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” — Philippians 2:3 (KJV)

The “Trash Can” Friend

This is one of my favorite kinds of friends. You can tell them anything, and once it’s shared, the lid goes on and never comes back off. No judgment. Just listening, love, prayer, and support—even when they gently tell you the truth. This friend allows me to be raw, real, open… and I can trust all of me to them.

“A friend loveth at all times.” — Proverbs 17:17 (KJV)

The Fair-Weather Friend

These friendships exist only when it’s convenient. When life gets hard, they disappear. You can’t rely on them when it matters most. If sacrifice is needed, or an inconvenience, or ________, they cannot be bothered or will not make the time.

“Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour.” — Proverbs 19:4 (KJV)

Friends Who Are Like Family

These are the ones who pray for you and with you. They love your children like their own. They would show up at midnight without asking questions. They are the ones that you think of at every birthday, holiday, when good news come and you want to share it or when you just got devastating news and need a shoulder.

“There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” — Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)

Your Lobster 🦞

Lobsters mate for life. I have a friend like that—my forever friend. No matter the distance or time between conversations, we pick up right where we left off. There’s no competition, jealousy, or scorekeeping—just trust, loyalty, and love that withstands seasons and circumstances.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9 (KJV)

The Friend Who Laid Down His Life

And then there is Jesus—the truest Friend of all. In His Word, he shares how we can be a friend, what we should look for in a friend, how we treat others, how to care, and how to forgive. He is unchanging. Always with arms wide open.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” — John 15:13 (KJV)

He belongs at the very center of the circle. He defines it, protects it, and teaches us how to love others well.

Friendship is a gift—but wisdom teaches us who belongs where. Guard your circle. Be intentional. Love deeply. And remember that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is place someone where they belong—inside the circle, at the edge, or outside it altogether.

“Don’t Forget Your Girlfriends“

Author Unknown

I sat on a summer day, drinking iced tea and visiting with my mother.

“Don’t forget your girlfriends,” Mother advised, clinking the ice cubes in her glass.

No matter how much you love your husband, you are still going to need girlfriends.

Remember to go places with them now and then;

and do things with them, even when you don’t necessarily want to.

And remember that girlfriends are not only friends, but sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers and other relatives too.

Women supporting and relating to other women is our responsibility and our gift.

“What a funny piece of advice,” I thought.

“Hadn’t Ijust gotten married?

Hadn’t I just joined the couple-world?

I was now a married woman, for goodness sake, not some young girl who needed friends!”

But I listened to my Mom. I kept in contact with my girlfriends and even found some

new ones along the way. As the years tumbled by, one after another, I gradually came to understand that Mom really knew what she was talking about!

Here is what I know:

Girl friends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you need help;

Girlfriends keep your children and your secrets.

Girlfriends give advice when you ask, sometimes you take it and sometimes you don’t.

Girlfriends don’t always tell you you’re right, but they usually tell the truth.

Girlfriends still love you, even when they disagree with your choices.

Girlfriends laugh with you and don’t need canned jokes to start the laughter.

Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

Girlfriends don’t keep a calendar of who hosted the other’s last big party.

Girlfriends will celebrate for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that happens.

Girlfriends are there for you in an instant, and when the hard times come.

Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.

Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

Girlfriends listen when your parents’ minds and bodies fail.

Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.

Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.

Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.

Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up.

Marriages fail. Love waxes and wanes. Hearts break. Careers end.

Jobs come and go. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors.

Men don’t call when they say they will.

But girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.

A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out. My daughters, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, nieces, cousins, extended family,

and friends bless my life.

The world wouldn’t be the same without them, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead, nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still.